Open most days about 9 or 10
occasionally as early as 7,
But some days as late as 12 or 1.
We close about 5:30 or 6
occasionally about 4 or 5,
But sometimes as late as 11 or 12.
Some days or afternoons we aren’t here at all,
But lately I’ve been here just about all the time
Except when I’m someplace else,
But I should be here then, too.

Customers Should Maintain A Friendly Attitude At All Times

ale has chosen an extremely stressful profession filled with constant phone interruptions, changing part numbers, impossible “I need it this weekend” dead lines and never ending “It won’t start” personal watercraft tech questions. The extremely PWC knowledgeable Kat handles more phone calls than AT&T, answers all the “Can you rebuild it cheaper than SBT?” price shoppers, arranges for your parts and accessories to arrive on time, and attempts to keep Dale from beating customers to death that drop off their PWC unannounced at 6AM on a Saturday. (Note: Dale has access to every cutting tool known to man and 5 acres of undeveloped land behind the shop … so play it safe and call Kat to arrange a time to drop your boat). Dale and Kat do understand that your PWC is a cherished member of the family (and that you need your boat to impress the hottie you met at the lake last weekend), but they simply cannot cope with the prospect of your being snippy.

Do Not Expect Dale To Be Sympathetic With Your Problem

Dale subscribes to a strict mechanic’s ethical code of conduct that requires him to remain objective and independent. Customers often mistake his devout professionalism as the heartless inability to connect with fellow human beings’ desire to have aquatic fun at the lake this weekend. This is simply untrue! Kat and Dale have a great appreciation for water sports activities, and in fact, plan to take a lake trip sometime in late 2011 (when they finish fixing everyone else’s rides.)

Please Do Not Call, Email Or Drop By The Shop 3 Times A Day To Check On The Progress Of Your Repairs

We understand that you are more nervous than an expectant father in the maternity ward at Parkland Hospital, but making Dale stop work on your watercraft to answer the phone slows down the repair process for all customers. Take the sage advice and go home and rest up for the new arrival, confident in the knowledge that your pride and joy is in the capable hands of the Dale’s Jet Sports Intensive Care Unit.

Yes, We Know The Phone Is Busy – We’re Answering As Fast As We Can!

Unlike some PWC repair shops, we believe that when you call you should actually speak with a knowledgeable person that has actually owned, ridden, repaired, and raced personal watercraft and not a secretary or sales person with a nice phone voice but no clue what “seized” means. We do understand that the busy signals can be frustrating. If you can’t get through on the phone lines please try emailing or faxing.

Never Ask Dale To Explain What He’s Doing Or Why

Unfortunately, the inherent complexity involved in personal watercraft repairs these days often cannot be translated into any comprehensible answer using the English language. Any attempt to force Dale to explain his actions may lead to sensory overload, shop closure or cardiac arrest (even worse, the utilization of the before mentioned cutting tools and shovel on the offending customer). Endeavor to develop a deep, abiding respect in Dale’s abilities, confident in the knowledge that if his reasons for only running factory approved Bombardier Oil in your Sea Doo could be explained, you would agree whole heartedly.

Customers Are Encouraged To Watch Dale Fix Their Boats!

Dale just LOVES it when you hover over his shoulder while he’s fixing your boat! (Sorry, I can’t see to type…..Wiping tears of laughter away…. where was I… OH YES) If you do wish to watch the master at work, there will be a slight increase in the shop rate to $195 per hour.

Express Fiendish Enthusiasm For Any New Products Or Services Offered By Bad Attitude Racing

Enthusiastically place all recommended Bad Attitude parts and accessories on your shopping wish list. Please understand that the cost of quality high performance watercraft parts actually manufactured in the United States of America may be slightly more expensive than the sweat shop parts assembled by 9 year olds in the Pacific Rim. Check the website often for new product offerings since design changes and performance improvement ideas are constantly coursing through Dale’s sleep deprived brain.

Do Refer New Customers To Dales Jet Sports

Referrals may include parents, children, brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, former spouses, coworkers, neighbors, friends and anyone you may come in contact with in the normal course of your day. It is a common misconception that adding to Dale’s already stressed work load should be avoided. Quite the contrary, Kat plans to use the additional income provided from new customer referrals to fund a much needed vacation (currently forecasted to take place sometime in 2014) or inpatient psychiatric care, which ever comes first.

Do Pay All Your Watercraft Parts, Accessories & Repair Bills Promptly And Without Question

Consider it an honor and a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the financial well-being of a watercraft professional with 20 plus years of experience in the Industry.

Source: DJS Security Team
Copyright Dales Jet Sports. All Rights Reserved.

Mechanics Ethical Code of Conduct

I, Dale Swanson, a resident and citizen of Sachse, Texas, being of sound mind and disposing memory, do hereby make, publish and declare this instrument to be my mechanics ethical code of conduct.

I will strive to produce high quality workmanship despite snippy customers, back ordered parts, and general physical exhaustion.

I will endeavor not to strike, bring to harm, or utilize cutting tools on customers that drop off their boats unannounced.

I will endeavor not to beat customers about the head and neck that purchase aftermarket parts and accessories from my competitors.

I will recommend only those parts, accessories and modifications that are necessary to allow the customer to blast their competition off the lake.

I will strive to expedite watercraft repairs to the best of my ability during the bikini watching season.

I will be sensitive to Dale’s Jet Sports customer’s deep seated psychological need to “ride it like a rental.”

I will respect the confidentiality of local, regional and national race teams and riders that utilize my services even though they are sponsored by my competition.

I will promote the goals of organizations, such as the IJSBA, South Central Watercraft Promotions, and Team Sport Racing that make watercraft racing events and participation possible in the State of Texas.

In witness thereof, I have hereunto set my hand and seal,

[Signed by Dale Swanson]
Sworn to and Subscribed before me this day,

Wilber “Jet Wash” Smith
Senior Water Recreation Correspondent
Sachse International Gazette

[Signed Wilber J. Smith]

Submitted by E.Z. Money

e have all seen them. The rusted out family truckster towing the fastest factory built watercraft on planet earth, slowly circling the parking area searching for the boat ramp. A long line of vehicles follow in slow procession behind the shinny new PWC.

Helpful suggestions are shouted out pickup truck windows concerning the boat ramps last known location. However, despite these verbal instructions and wild gesturing with the center finger, the new PWC owner can’t seem to locate the ramp. With increasing desperation, he decides to pull over and let the others pass…. Unfortunately, he decides to park right in front of the boat ramp!

Our new PWC owner has just entered the boat ramp zone, where time, space and common sense are often in short supply. Here are some helpful suggestions to avoid being verbally accosted or suffering great bodily harm while unloading your boat.

1) Keep your eyes and ears open if this is your first visit to this particular boat ramp. Do not park so as to block anyone’s access to the ramp.

2) Find a suitable location away from the actual ramp to uncover, unstrap, fuel, check drain plugs and load personal items into your PWC.

3) If you have never towed a boat before, please practice backing up with your trailer attached BEFORE you get to the lake. Failure to follow this rule may subject the driver to ridicule, scorn and possibly even finger pointing!

4) Just because your sleek PWC will physically fit between the other three boats putting in, does not mean that you should make it four!

5) Although the sound of a Dale’s racing engine may be a sweet, mechanical symphony to your ears, it does tend to scare the older folk. So, try an avoid giving the older gentlemen unloading his bass boat a coronary.

6) Remember to stop at some point while backing your PWC into the water. Failure to follow this rule WILL lead to cameras being retrieved and your picture plastered across the six o’clock news. A good rule of thumb is when water is poring in the rear car doors you have achieved sufficient water depth to float the boat.

7) If you do encounter the rusted out family truckster having difficulties putting in, take a deep breath and try to lend a hand. You were the new guy once upon a time and besides this will give you an excellent opportunity to brag about your ride. Heaven forbid, you might just make a new friend.

his is an exciting time of the year! Wild rumors, thoughtful speculation and leaked information from factory insiders seem to be popping up everywhere about next years PWC models.

We have developed a helpful guide to understanding the sales terms you will see describing the latest and greatest water toys.

Sachse International Gazette
By Wilber “Jet Wash” Smith
Senior Water Recreation Correspondent

Date Line Sachse, Texas

ovember 30, 2004 is a day that Dale’s Jet Sports customer Steven will not soon forget. “I was in total shock. I thought for a second I had called a wrong number but the guy answered Dale’s Jet Sports!”

After only 48 busy signals Steven had indeed successfully contacted Dale Swanson proprietor of Dale’s Jet Sports in Sachse Texas. “I had been trying to locate parts for my 550 for 3 weeks. I called several other places but although they answered the telephone they would just transfer the call to someone else that would attempt to “help.” By help I mean they would let me suffer through awful hold music then mysteriously drop my call and I would have to start the whole process over again”

“A friend suggested I call Dale’s in Sachse but added “good luck getting though on the phone” Man he wasn’t kidding! I tried calling for 3 days without success”

“On Tuesday, I started calling when I got to work as usual but around noon I decided to pull out all the stops and started calling Dale’s on all 4 of my office phone lines. Thank goodness for speed dial because my finger was getting sore”

Reached for comment via email the lovely Kat stated that “it does happen on occasion that a customer will actually get through to Dale on the telephone, it’s rare but it can happen”

“I feel like I have won the lottery!” Steven added “I think I should buy a lottery ticket on the way home tonight”

Not to temper Steven’s tremendous accomplishment but the weather may have played a small factor in his historic telephone parts order. (Today’s high was 47 degrees.)

Sachse International Gazette
Wilber “Jet Wash” Smith
Senior Water Recreation Correspondent

Dear Mr. Jet Wash

I have been riding stand ups for 8 years and currently own a wickedly fast super-stock SXR 800. As a die-hard stand up rider, I have quite naturally spent every waking moment of my life bashing sit down riders.

My problem is that I met this Sea-Doo girl at the lake several months ago. She admitted that she had never even seen a stand up ski! Naturally, my first reaction was to tell her… stand to ski, sit to… and blow her off, but there was just something about her so I overlooked this obvious flaw in her character. The strange thing was that we just clicked ever since that first meeting at the boat ramp. I found myself thinking she’s everything I ever wanted, she was perfect for me. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would ever date a sit down owner.

Last Saturday, we were making plans to go to the lake when I just blurted out I LOVE YOU. Realizing that I had made a premature admission of love, I quickly tried to change the subject hoping she wasn’t listing. But she caught every word. I think we were both stunned at what I had just said. Then that sit down riding Doo girl proceeds to kiss the very thought of single life right out of me!

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. After all these years I find the woman of my dreams and she rides a Doo. I think I want to ask her to marry me. Have I lost my mind? Is a mixed brand stand-up / sit-down marriage even possible?

I don’t have a ton of money to spend on a wedding after buying racing parts for the SXR and I know her parents are currently paying off two RXP’s so they probably won’t be able to help much with the wedding expenses. Any help with my predicament will be greatly appreciated!

Signed – Desperate in Haltom City


Dear Desperate

It’s perfectly natural for a stand-up rider to have feelings for the opposite watercraft persuasion. In fact, I know of numerous long-term, successful, and happy stand-up/sit-down marriages. Heck, I even heard of a Superjet racer that married a Tigershark Montego girl a few years back.

As far as the actual wedding is concerned, only a space shuttle launch involves less complex technical, deal making, and logistics as saying I DO.

Oh sure people will tell you it’s a simple matter of boy meets girl at the lake, they fall in love, get married, and set about the fun task of creating future watercraft riders, but trust me; planning a wedding is more involved than installing triple pipes on a GPR!

If you’re up to the challenge here are a few things to consider:

The Ring choices include platinum, yellow gold, white gold, and a combination of platinum and gold. Most jewelry stores skip right past the perfectly fine metal choices of stainless steel and as any red blooded male knows there is no metal on planet earth that says I love you like titanium! Unfortunately, the marriage industry has brain washed females (sit-down and stand-up riders alike) into believing that precious metals are the only sign of “true love.” So, expect to pay anywhere from the cost of an engine overhaul to a pair of brand spanking new Sea-Doo LRV’s on the ring.

Diamond Sizes include the “I have to get married diamond,” “it’s an OK diamond,” “The whole lot-o diamond,” and the “OH MY____” that comes equipped with a custom platinum wrist brace and a designer carrying bag for those times when arm movement is required.

Bridal Gown assuming your Doo woman does not want to wear her slippery wetsuit on the big day; a wedding gown of her choosing is required. I know what you’re thinking. You could buy a stainless steel handle pole for the cost of a dress that will only be worn once and will take up space in your closet for years to come, but it’s a tradition and traditions cost money! I notice that some bridal shops also offer bridal gloves so you might want to figure that into your budget. Estimated cost anywhere from a SXR Factory Dry pipe to a complete Ronny Pot carbon fiber hull.

Bridal Showers I’m not exactly sure what goes on at a bridal shower but it seems they recommend the bride wash up before the big event and offer some kind of special rinse or something. This category is very confusing since they don’t seem to offer groom shower facilities. So, be sure and clean up at home before heading to the church. Estimated cost??

The Church Be sure to ask what brand of Clergy / Minister / Pastor / Texas Park Ranger you will need – Catholic, Baptist, tribal medicine man, rain forest healer, etc. Although some parents are so happy at the prospect that a female would actually marry their little boy that they would even settle for a witch doctor. For additional cost savings, ask Doo girl if you can have the wedding at the closed course or endurance races! Just think of the benefits – plenty of secure parking, all your friends will already be there, racers always have extra food to share, heck you can be the noon time attraction with Kenny or Marty as your best man! Estimated cost 4 sets of Pro-X pistons give or take a set of rings

Men’ Formal Wear Since Doo girl will likely choose the expensive wedding gown over the wetsuit, just shell out the 59.99 Tux rental fee so you’ll look nice too. I did notice that they don’t offer the groom the option of wearing gloves. Sure seems to me to be a fashion faux pau if only the bride is wearing gloves. So if she decides to glove up, be sure to take a pair of your racing gloves with you to the church. Estimated cost 1 Slippery life vest.

Rehearsal Dinner this dinner is also known as the “are you going to chicken out on my daughter and embarrass the entire family feast.” Expect to meet many relatives of unknown family lineage with voracious appetites. Cost control should be your prime objective since you will probably never see these people again. Estimated cost depends on whether the relatives are chicken strip or steak and lobster types.

Honey Moon I was searching the internet and found a beautiful lake side resort in of all heavenly places Lake Havasu! Seems the only downside is that you do have to attend three 2 hour timeshare vacation presentations but otherwise the honey moon would be Free!

Best wishes,
Jet Wash

P.S. Don’t forget you will be a 2 watercraft family! So be sure to put a new PWC trailer on your gift registry!

1)

ou purchased your latest PWC because of its
A manufacture’s reputation for reliability.
B performance specifications.
C cool paint job.

2) You always wear eye protection because
A an unexpected splash may impair your vision.
B mirrored sun glasses provide stealth while ogling the lake babes.
C a friend of a friend in Baytown heard of a guy who was killed when a June Bug hit him in the eye at 80MPH.

3) The gas you purchase for your PWC
A is always at least 87 octane.
B is always at least 93 octane.
C can only be found at airports.

4) When you’re following a faster PWC, do you
A continue to ride safely at a speed that is most comfortable to you.
B silently consider purchasing a faster ride.
C ignore your passenger’s screams of terror while engaging the nitrous oxide system in an attempt to catch up.

5) PWC performance is best measured in
A total hours of trouble free operation.
B fuel economy and clean emissions.
C tenths of second on the slalom course.

6) How soon after you bought your PWC did you find its rev limiter?
A after 30 torturous break-in hours puttering around the lake while others stopped to ask if you needed a tow to shore.
B rev limiter? Is that what the funny sound is?!
C 10 feet past the boat ramp’s no wake zone.

7) Your PWC’s top speed is limited by
A water conditions and visibility.
B the factory installed rev limiter.
C the laws of quantum mechanics.

Your friends seek out your opinion on PWCs because they respect
A your knowledge of the sport and dedication to PWC safety.
B your proven mechanical abilities.
C the way your sunglasses match your life vest.

9) When you encounter another PWC rider on the lake, you
A wave.
B try to identify the make and any modifications to the PWC.
C grin with evil confidence that your ride could blow him off the lake.

10) A friend graciously offers you a ride on his Dale’s tuned, big-bore, triple piped, 80MPH, Yamaha. You
A decline, because you don’t feel capable of handling the power.
B decline, citing soreness after last weeks offshore race.
C decline, realizing this is only a dream because friends never let friends ride 80MPH Yamahas.

11) How did you purchase your PWC?
A cash.
B financed through dealer, bank or credit union.
C money from Mom.

12) A cold front has just blown in and the temperature is dropping rapidity, you
A decide to stay indoors by the fireplace.
B wax and polish your PWC in the garage hoping for warmer weather next weekend.
C install a DC to AC power inverter and place a heating pad under your life vest.

13) Each time you see a Park Ranger, you expect
A a friendly wave.
B an in-depth inspection of your PWC, whistle and fire extinguisher.
C the first question out of his or her mouth to be “how long have you owned this” and something about a 50 foot rule.

14) You’ve just purchased a Honda Aquatrax F-12X Turbo, the first aftermarket accessory you’re considering is
A nothing, it already exceeds your scare limits.
B color matching hydro turf traction pads.
C nitrous oxide to help with the turbo lag.

15) When you are craving full power turns around buoys, which item should be in contact with the water at all times?
A the hull.
B the sponson.
C your helmet.

How To Score Your Survey

If you scored 9 or more “A” answers – you are a very prudent careful person who never strays from the safe path chosen by society. There are counseling options available that may be of great benefit to you. Please get help! Remember the words of Whitman – And not when I came to die, discover that I had not lived….

Most commonly these persons will be employed in the accounting, banking and insurance industries.

If you scored 9 or more “B” answers – indicates moderate life enjoyment tendency with an eye toward “acceptable” fun. Most commonly these persons will be employed in the retail, real estate and computer industries.

If you scored 9 or more “C” answers – indicates extreme life and aquatic enjoyment and the ability to live life outside society’s rules. Most commonly these persons will be unemployed recovering from injuries suffered as a result of living life at full throttle.

Submitted by Kelan Roy CPA, MT www.kelan.net

nce upon a weekend dreary, while I rebuild again, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious pile of aftermarket parts,
At 3AM, nearly napping, suddenly I hear a tapping,
A gently rapping, rapping inside my cylinders three.
“‘Tis some piston slap,” I muttered, “tapping in my chamber –

Only this, and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was three days before the event,
And each broken part wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had tried to borrow
From my brothers broken Doo of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Pro-X –
For the fast and unpredictable banshee whom I shall call Sea Doo 83 –

“Tis some trivial matter and nothing more”.

And the strange uncertain tapping of each revolution passing
Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to sound of the fuel pumps screaming, I stood repeating
“Tis some normal piston slap I’m hearing, expected with racing clearances passing –

This it is, and nothing more.”

Deep into the craft leering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mechanic ever dared to dream before;
But the tapping continued unabated, and a throttle snap gave no clue,
Only a gentle rapping, well no, a tapping deep inside chamber number two
I whispered, Tis piston slap

Merely this, and nothing more.

Then to advance timing turning, all my soul within me burning,
Because soon I heard again a tapping much louder than before!!!
“Surely,” said I, “surely that is some evil that’s sprung a new!;
Let me see, then, what’s the matter, and this mystery explore –
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;–

‘Tis the clearances and nothing more!”

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
Open here I flung the lanyard, when, with many a gasp and sputter,
My creation did surrender to the lack of power ended,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of my cylinders three,
Promising that on the morrow she will again scream with glee.

I sat engaged in unfastening, but no syllable expressing
The fears that kept growing as my light would soon reveal.
On the cushion’s leather lining, I sat divining,
Thoughts of funds passing, my eyes peered into my cylinders three.

“Wretch,” I cried, “thing of evil!

There upon my piston gleaming, sat a bearing that had been beating
Madly deep into my chambers three! All hope of racing fading
As bearing related damage inflating, not just one cylinder but times three!
What unmerciful disaster had befallen my Doo of sorrow
It will be many morrows till the world sees Sea Doo number 83

Submitted by Kelan Roy CPA, MT

y sister in-law called one day and told me, “Get your brother out of the house or I’m going to kill him!”

Not really, they are disgustingly in love but my brother had a few vacation days and she wanted him to do something! He was working as a regional manager for a large health care company (on call 24 hours a day) and I had been working seven days a week all tax season – so needless to say the idea of a mini vacation was very appealing. After exchanging the obligatory – “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know…where do you want to go?” After a long pause, I told him we have to leave town soon or the BOSS is going to kill you!

Facing the threat of immanent death we quickly mapped out a lake trip to Austin, Texas. My sister-in-law was so pleased with our quick decision making; she offered to take care of reserving our accommodations.

Our Vacation Mission Statement (VMS) was to just take life easy for a change. A nice relaxing lake trip with no schedule, no deadlines, if we didn’t do anything that was OK with us.

Early the next morning, we hooked up the new Sea Doo and loaded the truck with an assortment of fishing gear, life vests and carbonated beverages and we were off! Two glorious days of peace and aquatic fun… or so we thought.

Thirty minutes into the trip we ran into the mother of all DFW traffic jams. After three hours of stop-and-go traffic we were an astounding 40 miles from Dallas. Rather than sit on I-35 South going no where, we decided to stop for lunch at a McDonalds and hope that the traffic would die down.

We were a sight to behold – My brother in florescent blue and yellow shorts, red mirrored Oakley sun glasses, water socks for shoes and a red and white t-shirt that read “Breathe or Die”, me in florescent yellow shorts, yellow mirrored Oakley sunglasses (borrowed from my brother’s extensive Oakley Collection), river flip flops, and an oversized blue and white Hawaiian t-shirt that read “Have You Hugged Your Accountant Lately?” I think our unusual apparel scared the locals at Mickey D’s. (The kids were even pointing at us).

The post lunch time traffic was speeding along quite nicely. Oh well, we got off to a slow start, but we still have time to make it to the lake for a few hours today. When we hit the outskirts of Austin, my brother in his infinite wisdom decides to take a short cut to the lake. Our detour takes us through some lovely central Texas hill country with roads that are not on any Texas map. We are now so lost that we are hoping to see someone with a boat who we could stop and ask directions. Luckily, we followed a truck with a boat right to the boat ramp. Actually, we had no idea WHICH lake it was, but hey, it was a large body of water and we only had with a few hours of sunlight left to go play on the Sea Doo.

We quickly unload the truck and I push my brother off the trailer and he starts the Doo and drives it back on to the trailer. I really thought my brother had lost his mind – maybe the vacation stress, traffic jams or the accidental tour of central Texas had impaired his PWC skills. He looks at me in disgust and says, “We forgot gas!” So, we load up the truck and go in search of fuel. We found some about 20 miles away.

This is not a vacation anymore: it’s a QUEST!

We screech to a halt at the gasoline pumps of some mom and pop grocery store. To save precious daylight riding time, we utilized three fuel hoses. The store attendant apparently has never witnessed a NASCAR style PWC refueling and appeared to be writing down our license plate number. We fuel the boat, extra gas cans and truck in record time and we are off (again). My brother is now driving so fast that I can hear the trailer tires squeal as we navigate the winding road back to the lake.

It’s about six a clock when we finally get on the water. Just our luck a strong warm front had descended on our unknown lake and the near gale force winds were kicking up swells larger than I had ever seen on a lake, but we were here to have fun if it killed us! So, I was running full throttle and flying the boat on every wave.

After 30 minutes of rough riding in what felt like a mini typhoon my hands were cramping so we just floated for a while and watched the big boats cruise by (obviously heading to the safety of the boat docks). My brother tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at a triple motored Fountain (his dream boat) heading across the lake at high speed, so I naturally take off at full throttle to catch them ……… I was admiring the large 40 foot plus tri engine boat and forgot about its wake. I vaguely heard my brother scream as I looked up and saw an 8 foot wall of water coming toward us. I couldn’t stop so I lined up square and away we flew! I’m not sure of the total air time but I will say it was mighty impressive for two-up PWC jumping. We hit so hard that I’m almost over the handle bars (sort of a reverse superman) and my brother is sitting on my head. Battered and severely bruised we slowly limp back to the boat ramp and load up.

The end right? Well….. We went to find the hotel that my sister-in law had so graciously booked for us. Our reservations were at a hotel in downtown Austin! Ok, it didn’t matter we weren’t going back to that *%@!*# DEATH LAKE anyway! We roll into downtown Austin and promptly get stopped by the cops, the trailer lights weren’t working. I think the officer could see we were not having a good day and let us go with just a warning ticket.

At this point we are starving, but we can’t drive the truck. We considered dragging the Doo into the hotel room, but our lake injuries nixed that plan, so we decided to just call a cab. We take a quick shower to remove the lake slime and wait for the cab. No cab. It’s now 10:30 PM and most places are closing, so we walk to a steak house a few blocks from the hotel. We order two humongous steaks with all the trimmings…. they were out of the KC strip, and for some inexplicable reason we could only order rare or well done (no medium well) and the waitress removed our salt and pepper shakers! I can’t take it anymore and I burst in to laughter, and my brother is laughing so hard he’s crying. We tell the waitress to “bring food, any food, we don’t care what it is” I think we ended up with some sort of chicken dinner, (or at least it tasted like chicken).

Only positive was the hotel room was cool, so cool in fact that we had to sleep under blankets in the middle of July. I asked my brother if I should turn the ac off. He looked at me in horror, and said “Don’t touch it!!! It’s the only thing that’s working!!” We decided to splurge and buy an in room movie. The satellite goes out right in the middle. My brother, huddling under his blanket is laughing like a mad man. We really should just go home.

The next morning the weather is beautiful, no wind at all. My brother is determined to do some fishing. So, we check out at 5 AM and head back to the DEATH LAKE. As we crest the boat ramp we notice the lake is smooth, mirror smooth, perfect for all out speed. We almost back the truck into the lake in our excitement to get on the water.

There is nothing in life quite as satisfying as blasting around the lake laughing your head off while ‘normal people’ are hard at work at their boring jobs. After a full day of full throttle on mirror smooth water, I had to admit it was the most fun I have ever had at the lake.

We stopped for dinner at a restaurant perched above a horse shoe bay that opens into the main lake. I wondered if we could get in, since we were still wearing our signature lake gear and hair sticking straight back from the wind. Surprisingly, the much too happy waitress seemed proud to have such outstanding examples of Lake Chic in her section and seated us on the third level deck. I was noticing the people on the lower decks; they were obviously tourists — funny looking sort if you know what I mean. Our deck was full of interesting looking people – like us – we fit right in. I told my brother, “You know, I think we have finally arrived. We got to sit in the cool section.” We stayed to watch the sunset. I don’t think we said more than four words to each other we were part of that sunset.

Story dedicated to My Big Brother – Dan Roy, President Native Technology, Inc.
Copyright 2004 All rights reserved by ‘little’ Brother Kelan Roy

This was back in the good ole days when square nosed Jet Ski’s ruled the water and race teams were dreaming about breaking the 50 MPH barrier.

A time before 1400cc supercharged, electronic fuel injected, 4 strokes with built in depth finders.

A time when even contemplating such a watercraft might get you placed in a straight jacket!

What exactly does Snippy mean?

NIPPY ADJECTIVE: Informal.

Rude and disrespectful: assuming, assumptive, audacious, bold, boldfaced, brash, brazen, cheeky, contumelious, familiar, forward, impertinent, impudent, insolent, malapert, nervy, overconfident, pert, presuming, presumptuous, pushy, sassy, saucy, smart, brassy, flip, fresh, smart-alecky, snippety, uppish, uppity.

Also See ATTITUDE, COURTESY.

The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work, must first sharpen his tools.
Confucius

Racer Creates Rift in Space-Time Continuum

Sachse International Gazette
By Kelan Roy, CPA MT www.kelan.net
Business Editor

Sachse, Texas –

rift in the Space-Time Continuum was created this past Sunday as a personal watercraft piloted by Dale Swanson, proprietor of Dales Jet Sports, briefly exceeded the speed of light. The incident, which is still under investigation by the Texas Parks and Wild Life Department, occurred during product confirmation trials at Lake Lavon.

According to unnamed officials at the National Atmospheric and Space Administration, the intense electrical fields generated by the new “Bad Attitude” trillium enhanced cobalt laser ignition system briefly distorted the orientation of the Earths magnetic poles.

“I want to shake this mans hand” said Steven Greznowski, MIT Professor of theoretical physics “It appears that he has confirmed the “wormhole hypothesis” developed by Dr. Einstein in 1929. ” He hastened to add that Mr. Swanson did not create a true parallel universe wormhole but rather a simple wave or ripple in the space-time continuum.

No one was injured in the incident, but several people were transported to Denton Regional Hospital as a precautionary measure.

David Earl Hastum and his son were fishing near the northern end of Lake Lavon when the watercraft began its high-speed test trials. “I was trying to figure out whether it (the watercraft) was a Yamaha or a Sea-Doo. He (Dale) had made 3 or 4 passes before we heard the sonic booms. I’ve never in my whole life heard anything so loud. Just as I was turning to look, we were hit by a rapid series of shock waves and the next thing I can remember I was in the water.”

Mr. Hastum’s son refused to talk to this reporter but has told his father and NASA officials that he actually witnessed the speed of light pass. “He’s a little upset with all the media attention and questions people have been asking him.” According to NASA interviews, the young boy watched as the craft gained speed then appeared to vanish and reappear on the other side of the lake.

The boys first hand account combined with the RPM information recorded by the watercrafts Racepac tachometer and other monitoring devices confirm that the craft was indeed traveling in excess of the speed of light.

Sandy Cachilio, president of the Texas Calm Waters Association plans to lobby the Texas legislature to have the new trillium enhanced cobalt laser ignition system banned. She claims that her organization has warned of the potential damage to the space-time continuum posed by personal watercraft users. She said she sympathized with Mr. Swanson’s desire to improve his ignition products but that creating black holes on our Texas lakes was simply unacceptable.

Mr. Swanson declined our request to be interviewed.